Cassidy Parker
Cassidy Parker
  • Home
  • About
  • Portfolio
  • Blog
  • Contact
The flowers we laid around their heads
That vast, loving heart
My writing
Love, a loch and an empty seat
October 31, 2019 by Cassidy Parker in My writing

“You want to go upstairs, don’t you?”

His eyes glint with amusement and prophecy. He knows we won’t stay down here long, down here where it is warm and dry, where we are protected from the bitter winds that run the length of the loch, picking up droplets from the clouds above and the waters below and turning them to needles as they strike our faces.

He greets my smile with a smile of his own and takes my hand.

“Come on,” he says, and pulls me outside and up onto the upper deck that offers neither walls nor roof for shelter. The boat begins to move, facing the wind head on, and he takes a few moments to pull his hood closer around his face, fastening it against the elements. He jams his hands firmly in his pockets, looks at me, shakes his head, and tells me above the roar of the wind and the boat and the beauty all around that I am mad.

I am a child: I cannot sit still. I run up to the front of the boat, beside the cabin, and am nearly swept off my feet. I take photographs. Of the lungs of trees all around us: Scots pine, we are told, Norway spruce – Christmas trees. Of the deep chasm of water that we traverse – the spine between the lungs. Loch Ness. I take pictures of him. Pictures of myself. Pictures of us. In every one, we are laughing. I sit down. I stand up. I am all a-chatter.

Loch Ness. Neither the deepest loch in the British Isles, nor the longest, but holding the largest volume of water than any other natural body – 7.4 billion cubic metres. And, of course, home to the fabled Loch Ness Monster.

“If you still doubt the existence of the monster, consider this,” says the voice-over playing over us. “In 2005, 100 athletes participating in a triathlon in and around the loch were each insured for £1 million against any injuries that might be caused as a result of any possible interactions with Nessie.”

He sidles up close and I can sense the roll of his eyes in the tone of his voice: “Of course, that says more about insurance companies than it does about the existence of the Loch Ness Monster.”

We buy a couple of whiskies from the bar and drink them over a shared peanut butter Kit-Kat. Our mutual love for the combination of chocolate and peanut butter has quickly become a joke, and a Kit-Kat or two has become a padkos staple.

The boat turns back in the direction we have come. I lean against him. We say little, feeling only the warmth of each other and the gravity of this moment-defining moment.

There are other moments, other afternoons, other days. Days of reunion and connection with old friends. Lazy mornings, late-night walks and too much laughter. Clarinets and saxophones, guitars and cajons. Scottish pubs, home-cooked meals, sunshine and rain. Other lochs. Old memories remembered and new ones created.

I call him from the airport before I leave. They’re boarding my plane, section by section, and I can barely hear him over the announcements. “I hope you have someone nice sitting next to you,” he says. “Or even better, no one at all – always nice to have a bit of extra room.”

I hear his words in my head as the cabin crew performs their crosschecks, and gaze at the empty seat beside me. Prophetic again. But rather than grateful for the extra room, I am struck by the absence it contains. It feels like this seat wasn’t meant to be empty. He should be seated here instead, squeezing my hand and telling me, with a smile and a fondness I have never heard before, that I am mad.

 
5 Comments
0 Like!
Share
Cassidy Parker

There are 5 comments on this post
  1. Lasz
    November 01, 2019, 8:22 am
    Leave reply

    Awesome, once again. Painting vivid pictures and emotions with words is what you do best, Cassidy Parker – besides giving the best hugs. Keep them coming 🙂

  2. Joy Parker
    November 01, 2019, 6:21 pm
    Leave reply

    Just lovely Cass!!

  3. Kailas Cassidy
    November 03, 2019, 7:14 pm
    Leave reply

    I so love these glimpses, thanks for sharing Cass!!! 🙂 <3

  4. Andrea
    November 03, 2019, 7:46 pm
    Leave reply

    Absolutely exquisite Cass, I love your writing… when will the book be ready? ?

  5. Walter
    November 13, 2019, 2:56 pm
    Leave reply

    I love reading your work, Cass! You are brilliant at it xxx <3

Leave a reply

Click here to cancel reply.

Search

Recent Posts

  • Stars, salt and infinity: Namibia, part two May 12, 2023
  • Heat, canyons and quiver trees: Namibia, part one June 21, 2022
  • Home with a capital H March 3, 2022

Recent Comments

  • Lenora on Stars, salt and infinity: Namibia, part two
  • Joy Parker on Stars, salt and infinity: Namibia, part two
  • Stars, salt and infinity: Namibia, part two - Cassidy Parker on Heat, canyons and quiver trees: Namibia, part one

cassontwofeet

During the hardest days of lockdown, Matt and I st During the hardest days of lockdown, Matt and I started to really imagine what a life together would look like. He travelled a lot for work. Maybe, we thought, with my work being so nomadic, I could travel with him sometimes.

Over the last two years since I’ve been in London, we’ve increasingly put this idea to the test, and have been fortunate to have quite a few work-related adventures.

But this week, we really got it right. 

He landed a job in Corfu for the whole of May, and it worked out perfectly for me to join him for almost half of it. We’ve both been working, but in the evenings and on our days off, we’ve been exploring hidden beaches and bays, swimming in turquoise waters, soaking up the scenery, and eating endless dolmades and feta.

I wish I could show these pictures to that pair in lockdown. Just you wait, I’d say.
It's taken a while to put this together – life g It's taken a while to put this together – life got in the way for a bit – but I've written some more about our trip to Namibia last year. There’s a link in my bio. This one’s all about Etosha.
.
.
#namibia #etoshanationalpark #etoshapan #flatflatflat #starssaltandinfinity
Of all the local bands I loved as a student, Undon Of all the local bands I loved as a student, Undone was by far my favourite. I was friends with the band, I loved their music, and I had a monster crush on @madgush.

About 16 years since I last saw them live, they came together as their later, London iteration, A Tower of Sheep, for a reunion at @kclou_25’s wedding. 
 
It. Was. Sublime.

The band knocked it out the park. The crowd went wild. It whipped all of us straight from the present and dropped us back at the Old Gaol or Taphuis circa 2006.

These photographs and videos are terrible. They’re dark and grainy and I chopped off everyone’s feet. But I – along with everyone else – was having the time of my life!

Best of all: I got to kiss my student crush at the end of it ❤️
.
.
#undone #atowerofsheep #kc&ol #nostalgia #backintheday #gtown #rhodes #livemusicsoc
There’s very little at the most northernly tip o There’s very little at the most northernly tip of Ireland. The path runs out and the land disintegrates into the sea. But there’s a soft spot to sit on and that’s all you really need.
A few spectacular days exploring Northern Ireland A few spectacular days exploring Northern Ireland and County Donegal. Rugged, weather-beaten, beautiful and surprisingly sunny!
Dear Haarlem and Amsterdam, thank you for your boa Dear Haarlem and Amsterdam, thank you for your boat trips and tulips, your crooked houses and canals, and especially your wonderful friendships and belly-aching laughter. I’m not even a little bit sorry we ate all your stroopwafels and cheese. What a weekend ✨
I love being with @madgush when he works. I love t I love being with @madgush when he works. I love the places I get to experience and the music I get to hear. But I especially love the people I get to meet. 

@biig_piig just wrapped her sold-out headline tour across Europe and the finale in Dublin was unforgettable. By the end of the show, the crowd was whipped to a frenzy. 

Standing there, watching what that team of beautiful humans create, and being fortunate enough to call them my friends, argh, my heart could have burst.

Last pic by the enormously talented @melycrisp.
Change, it comes eventually 🌸 Change, it comes eventually 🌸
A few final snaps from @wonderfruitfestival. What A few final snaps from @wonderfruitfestival. What a dream to experience this festival, and especially the @polygon.live stage, in person.

I’m especially grateful for the new friendships I formed and the old friends who came across the world to join us. What a unifying force adventure and music can be!

Thank you so much Polygon, you’ve forever altered live music for me. 🚀
Load More... Follow on Instagram

© All words and photographs belong to me, Cassidy Parker. Website engineered by Web Dexterity.

Cassidy Parker